Almost Professional

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josiahfiles:

unpaid familiar working for the college credit

josiahfiles:

unpaid familiar working for the college credit

andrewismusic:

sk-raveness:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.

oral

andrewismusic:

sk-raveness:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.

oral

(Source: pandaaamonium14)

adventuresinadequacy:

I love this. And him. 

I love you too. :)

adventuresinadequacy:

I love this. And him. 

I love you too. :)

May 6

adventuresinadequacy:

I SAID YES! 

I love you, adventuresinadequacy. :)

adventuresinadequacy:

Long distance dinner date! The perfect way to begin a weekend.

adventuresinadequacy:

Long distance dinner date! The perfect way to begin a weekend.

Apr 7
jynnne:

I was sitting on sea ice when I heard a little peep over my shoulder.

jynnne:

I was sitting on sea ice when I heard a little peep over my shoulder.

Apr 2

theparisreview:

Listen to Flannery O’Connor read “A Good Man Is Hard to Find.”

Apr 2
josiahfiles:

gouache character design grid!
left to right: rounded shapes to sharper shapes
top to bottom: top heavy designs to bottom heavy designs

josiahfiles:

gouache character design grid!

left to right: rounded shapes to sharper shapes

top to bottom: top heavy designs to bottom heavy designs

adventuresinadequacy:

I love my little teapot! The perfect study buddy. #teaisliquidmotivation

adventuresinadequacy:

I love my little teapot! The perfect study buddy. #teaisliquidmotivation

Introducing the Humble Weekly Sale, featuring Bastion!

Experience Humble Bundle like never before with the introduction of the Humble Weekly Sale!

What is the Humble Weekly Sale?

The Humble Weekly Sale is a pay-what-you-want promotion that runs for one week, with a new deal launching every Tuesday. That means you’ll have to act fast so you don’t miss these sweet deals every week! As with our bundles, you’ll be able to allocate your purchase amount any way you want: to charity, to the developers, or even us.

What’s on tap this week?

We’re kicking off our first fantastic promotion with a unique sale of the amazing and illustrious indie game, Bastion!

Name your price and get Bastion, DRM-free, for Mac, Windows and Linux. With a purchase of $1 or more you’ll also get a Steam key.

There are other goodies you can get, too! If you pay over the average, you’ll get an assortment of fantastic digital goods including the Bastion Digital Soundtrack (MP3 / FLAC), the never-before-released Bastion Digital Art Pack, Bastion Sheet Music, and Bastion iPhone / Android Ringtones! The Digital Art Pack will be available for the first time and exclusively as part of this promotion, and will include pieces from the game that Supergiant Games has never before released!

If you pay $25 or more, you’ll also get sweet physical merchandise including a copy of the Bastion Original Soundtrack CD, a real Bastion bandana, a Bastion postcard, and a postcard for Supergiant’s just-announced next game, Transistor!

So without further ado, here is our first weekly sale game: Bastion!

Be sure to watch it in HD!

Bastion

The action RPG Bastion won over the gaming public with its incredible attention to every detail - from the tight combat controls, to the inspired, narrator-driven storytelling in a novel, post-apocalyptic fantasy world. Players take on the role of the Kid, entrusted with the thankless task of restoring the world after a disastrous calamity. With a none-too-small arsenal of stylized weapons, jaw-dropping art, and amazing music, Bastion truly deserves its reputation as a must-play indie game by Supergiant Games.

Feel free to distribute your purchase amount how you’d like: between the developer or the two non-profit charities, Child’s Play Charity and the Electronic Frontier Foundation. And if you loved the weekly sale, a tip to Humble Bundle would be greatly appreciated!

Bastion will only be here for this week, with a new deal coming next Tuesday! So what are you waiting for? Head over to the site and get Bastion now!